The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i barfeds in our rink
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
