he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
