I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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