Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
