So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
