ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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