I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
