I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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