The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
