So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
