Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize