i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
