Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
