This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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