im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
