guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
