I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
