now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize