I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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