i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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