Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
