Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
