You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
