Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
