So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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