Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
