Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish my penis had an off switch
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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