his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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