apparently the secret to your success is patron
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
