i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
