I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
