It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
