i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
