You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize