I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize