can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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