apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
