you turned your livingroom into a bong?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
