What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
