I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
