Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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