this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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