I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
