She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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