No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize