No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
