Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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