Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
