I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
