Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
