my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
