I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
