That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
