the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
