Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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