so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize