I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
