No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
