I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sorry my hands just texted you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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