i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
