Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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