I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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