fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize