I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
