Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
