I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
