i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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