not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
