she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
