kristin has been a bad kristin
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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