can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize