Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
