If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
