every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
