I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
