Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
