Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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