Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
