and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
