I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
