Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
