Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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