I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
