you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
