I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Someone came in the potted fern
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
