somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Terrible idea I love it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My life is pants optional.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
