I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize