I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
