is your mom at the bar?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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