I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
