I bet he comes in French.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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